Pregnant With a Toddler in Your Bed: Where Can the Pillow Go?

Relvay makes a pregnancy pillow. We also tell you below when you should not buy one.

The short answer

Keep every part of the pregnancy pillow in your own zone, with an empty strip between it and your toddler. This is for children past their first birthday; babies under 12 months have stricter sleep rules.

• Your zone: you and the whole pillow, nothing past it.
• Buffer: an empty strip, no pillow, no bunched duvet.
• If it will not fit: a toddler bed pushed flush against yours.

Why is a pregnancy pillow so hard with a toddler in bed?

Because a pregnancy pillow takes space on the same side of the bed your toddler crawls toward, and toddlers move a lot at night. The pillow ends up in their space, or they end up in its curve.

3:05 a.m.

I was 27 weeks with our second. Milo was two and a half and had slept in our bed since he was a baby, mostly in the middle, mostly sideways.

I woke up because my bump had nothing under it. The bump pillow was gone. I found it a minute later: Milo had pulled it down to his end of the bed and was asleep with his feet on it, and I was balanced on the last foot of mattress with my back against the cold.

Ben was on the other edge. We looked at each other over Milo's head in the dark, both too tired to laugh. Somewhere in there I thought: there are three of us in this bed and nobody is sleeping.

• If your toddler ends up wherever your pillow is...
• If you wake on the edge of your own bed...
• If you rebuild your pillows around a sleeping child, trying not to wake them...

This is not a discipline problem. It is a geometry problem, and geometry can be fixed.

"Then you have to try to escape the legion of pillows and quilts you've assembled around yourself every time you have to wake up to pee."YouTube comment on a pregnancy sleep video

"my husband can still cuddle me while I'm using the pillows and that I don't feel trapped inside the pillows"Pregnancy pillow customer review

What most parents try first

Most people try squeezing a big pillow in, then a pile of regular pillows, then giving up the pillow. Each one costs someone their sleep.

1. The big U pillow.It held my bump beautifully, for about an hour. Then Milo wanted to be next to me, the U took the middle, and I slept on the outside of my own pillow.A big pillow takes the middle, and the middle is where toddlers go.
2. Three regular pillows.Smaller, but loose. By 2 a.m. one was kicked across the bed and another was under Milo.Loose pieces travel toward the smallest sleeper.
3. No pillow at all.Milo got his space back. My hips and back paid for it every morning.Fair to him, not to the bump.
4. Ben on the couch.It made room. It also meant the only adult cuddle I got all week was a hand squeeze in the hallway.Space solved by losing the person.

What age does this apply to?

This guide is only for children past their first birthday. For babies under 12 months, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises nothing but a snugly fitted sheet in their sleep space, and says adult bed pillows and heavy bedding can smother a baby.

Even with an older toddler, a pregnancy pillow is adult bedding sized for your body. It is your support, not a bed, nest or barrier for your child. Whether to share a bed with your toddler at all is a family choice to talk through with your pediatrician. This guide only covers where your pillow goes if they are already there.

How do you split the bed into three zones?

Give the bed three zones: you and your whole pillow, then an empty buffer strip, then your toddler's space. Nothing from your zone crosses into theirs.

Zone 1: you and the pillowYour body, the bump support, the back support and the pillow between your knees. All of it stays here.

Zone 2: the bufferAn empty strip with no pillow, no bunched duvet and no stuffed animals. It keeps the pillow from drifting toward your child.

Zone 3: your toddlerIdeally next to the other parent or a wall-free edge, with no gap between the mattress and a wall, headboard or furniture.

The AAP warns that babies in adult beds can get trapped between the mattress and the wall, headboard or other furniture. Toddlers are bigger, but the same gap check is worth doing on their side.

The hard part is Zone 1. Most pregnancy pillows are built to wrap you, which makes them wide and full of curves. A pillow that cannot stay inside your zone keeps breaking the map.

The question is not where to fit a big pillow. It is how small your support can be and still hold the bump and the back.

That is what finally worked for Gemma: a setup that stayed on her side. The check comes first, then the free fixes, then what she used.

How do you check the pillow stays out of your toddler's space?

Set up your pillow, lie in your usual position, and have your partner look from the foot of the bed. Then turn over twice and look again.

1. Lie down with the full setup, the way you fall asleep.
2. Ask your partner to find the pillow's edge nearest your child's space. It should end inside your zone with the buffer still clear.
3. Turn over twice. Check whether any piece slid, rolled or stuck out into the buffer.
4. Get out of bed on your own edge. You should not need to climb over your child or the buffer.
5. Check your child's side for gaps between the mattress and the wall, headboard or furniture.

If any piece crosses the buffer, try the free fixes below first. If it crosses every night, the pillow is too big for this bed with three of you in it.

Can you make it work with regular pillows?

Often, yes. Smaller is better here, so use the fewest pillows that hold the bump, back and knees.

1. Sleep facing away from your toddler when you can, so your bump pillow sits on the outer side of the bed.
2. Tuck the back pillow tight against the mattress, pressed into your lower back, so it cannot roll into the buffer.
3. Use a firm pillow between knees and ankles, not a long body pillow that reaches across.
4. Keep spare pillows off the bed, on a chair, so nothing extra drifts at night.

The NHS advises going to sleep on your side from 28 weeks, and either side is fine. So choosing the side that faces away from your child is allowed.

Would a toddler bed next to yours work better?

For many families, yes. A toddler bed or mattress pushed flush against your bed keeps your child close while giving your pillow your whole side.

• Push it tight to your bed so there is no gap between the two mattresses.
• Put it on your partner's side, or on the side away from your pillow.
• Keep your pregnancy pillow and spare pillows off it.
• Ask your pediatrician what bedding suits your child's age in their own bed.

Some toddlers take to it in a night, others in a few weeks. Start with naps or the first half of the night if a full switch feels like too much.

When is a smaller pregnancy pillow worth it?

It is worth it when regular pillows keep drifting into the buffer, or a full-size pillow will not stay in your zone. Tick what sounds like your nights:

• I find my pillows on my toddler's side in the morning.
• My toddler climbs into the curve of my pillow.
• I wake on the edge of the bed.
• I rebuild my pillows around a sleeping child.
• My partner moved out of the bed to make room.

Two or more? Support with a smaller footprint is likely worth it.

Hip, back or pelvic pain that stays or gets worse is something to raise with your midwife or doctor. A pillow is a comfort aid only.

Which pregnancy pillow shape fits a shared family bed?

Choose the smallest shape that holds your bump and back and stays inside your zone. Here is how the main types compare when a toddler shares the bed.

	Regular pillows	U or C pillow	Single wedge	Two wedges joined by a strap
Stays in your zone	Pieces drift	Often too wide	Yes	Yes
Bump and back	Two or more pillows	Yes	One or the other	Both
A curve a toddler can climb into	No	Yes	No	No
Getting out on your own edge	Easy	Climb out	Easy	Easy

For a bed that is tight even without a toddler, our guide to a pregnancy pillow for a small bed has the width numbers.

What changed when the pillow had its own zone?

When Gemma's support fit inside her zone, Milo kept his space, she kept her pillow, and Ben came back to bed.

Gemma switched to two small wedges joined by a strap, one under her bump and one behind her back, with a regular pillow between her knees. She slept facing the outer edge. Milo moved to Ben's side, and two weeks later onto a toddler mattress pushed flush against the bed.

The first Saturday it all worked, Milo climbed up at seven, wriggled in between them on Ben's side, and put both hands on the bump to say good morning to the baby. Nobody was on the edge.

Frequently asked questions

Can I use a pregnancy pillow with my toddler in bed?

Many parents do, as long as the whole pillow stays in your own zone and an empty strip separates it from your child. This applies to children over 12 months; babies under 12 months need nothing but a fitted sheet in their sleep space.

Which side of me should my toddler sleep on?

Ideally the side you face away from, next to the other parent, so your bump pillow sits toward the outer edge. The NHS says either side is fine for you to sleep on in pregnancy.

Can my toddler use my pregnancy pillow?

No. It is adult bedding sized for your body, not a bed, nest or barrier for a child. Keep it in your zone and ask your pediatrician what bedding suits your toddler.

Is a U-shaped pillow a bad idea with a toddler in bed?

It often does not fit. It is wide, and its curve tends to attract a toddler. A smaller setup that holds your bump and back is easier to keep on your side.

Should I move my toddler out of our bed before the baby comes?

That is a family decision, and it depends on your child. A toddler bed pushed flush against yours is one middle step. Talk it through with your pediatrician.

Where the Relvay 3-Piece pillow fits in

The Relvay 3-Piece is the two-wedge set from Gemma's story. It is not a family bed product and it is not for your child to use. It is your support, made small enough to stay inside your zone: one wedge under your bump, one behind your back, no big curve to climb into.

1. The bump wedgeA crescent-shaped wedge that tucks under your bump, thin edge toward your belly button, so the weight is not pulling on your back.

2. The back wedgeThe same shape, snug against your lower back so it has something to rest against.

3. The strap and small cushionA flat strap runs under you and joins the two wedges, so they stay together instead of drifting apart. A small oval cushion sits on the strap between them. You can set the distance as the bump grows.

Each wedge is about 17 by 13 inches and about 4 inches thick at its outer edge, tapering thinner toward your body (supplier measurement). Opened out, the set is roughly as wide as your torso, so it stays on your half of the bed and you keep your normal head pillow. Soft ribbed pink fabric on top, white sides. It is small enough to pack for a trip.

What it does not do: it does not go between your knees. Keep a regular pillow there, the way the NHS suggests. That combination covers all three points without a giant pillow.

See the 3-Piece set

Probably not for you if

• Your child is under 12 months and sleeps in your bed.
• Regular pillows already stay in your zone.
• You want one pillow that wraps your head, bump and knees.

Made for you if

• Your toddler sometimes or always sleeps in your bed.
• Your current pillow ends up on their side.
• You want bump and back support on your half only.

Try it for 90 nights

Sleep on it through the weeks that matter. If it is not right for you, email us within 90 days of delivery and send it back for a refund. Return shipping is on you unless it arrived faulty.

$79.99

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Gemma's story is a composite based on real reviews and public posts from pregnant parents. Names and details are changed.