Relvay makes a pregnancy pillow. We also tell you below when you should not buy one.
The short answer
Firm enough to keep its height under your weight, soft enough not to press like a block. The right firmness depends on where the pillow goes.
- Under the bump: lifts gently without collapsing.
- Behind the back and between the knees: firmer, because you lean on them.
- Test it: lie on it for ten minutes and compare with a pillow you know.
What does firm mean for a pregnancy pillow?
Firmness is how much height a pillow keeps once your weight is on it. A pillow can feel soft in your hand and still hold you, or feel firm and collapse after an hour.
4:40 a.m.
I was 33 weeks and my body pillow had become a beanbag. I lay down at night and it held my bump. By four I was sinking into a trench, the bump resting on the mattress again, and turning over meant climbing out of the hole I had made.
So I bought the firmest thing I could find. Now my knees were propped so high my top hip felt pulled up, and the pillow pushed back like a stair. Luis said I looked like I was sleeping on a sofa arm.
I kept asking which pillow was firm. I should have been asking firm for what.
"I would just get swallowed up in, hard a hard time turning"Amazon review of a pregnancy pillow
"the neck is too high always waking up with neck pain"Amazon review of a pregnancy pillow
Soft or firm is the wrong question. The question is how high it holds you, and where.
How firm should each part of the pillow be?
Each spot carries a different load, so each needs a different feel. One pillow that is the same all the way through is a compromise somewhere.
| Placement | What it carries | Too soft feels like | Too firm feels like |
|---|---|---|---|
| Under the bump | The bump's weight, resting forward | Bump ends up on the mattress by morning | A hard edge pressing into your belly |
| Behind the lower back | Your body leaning back when you relax | You roll into it and keep going | You feel pushed forward onto your bump |
| Between knees and ankles | The weight of your top leg | Knees drift together by morning | Top leg propped higher than your hip |
| Under your head | Your head, with neck in line | Head tilts down toward the mattress | Neck bent up, sore in the morning |
Shopping experts make the same point: the right firmness depends on where the pillow will go, and a knee pillow usually needs to be firmer than a bump pillow.
How do you test pregnancy pillow firmness at home?
Compare the new pillow with one you already know, in the position you actually sleep in. Ten minutes tells you more than a squeeze in the box.
- Pick a reference. Use your normal bed pillow. You know how it feels, so it is your ruler.
- Do the palm test. Press each pillow with a flat hand and your body weight. Notice how much height is left and how fast it comes back.
- Lie in your real position for ten minutes, on your side, with the pillow where it will live.
- Check the lines. Ask someone to look: is your top knee level with your hip? Is your bump lifted, not hanging? Is your neck straight?
- Turn over once. If you have to climb out of a dip or around a hard edge, note it.
- Look at the pillow in the morning. A deep dent that stays means it will flatten further as your bump grows.
If the new pillow lands somewhere between too soft and too firm on every line, that is the feel you want.
How can you tell a pregnancy pillow is too soft?
It is too soft if your bump or top leg ends up lower by morning than when you fell asleep. The pillow gave way under the load.
Other signs: you sink into a trench and turning feels like work, you keep adding regular pillows on top, or the middle of a long pillow is flat while the ends are full. Soft fill also compresses more as your bump gets heavier, so a pillow that feels right at 20 weeks can feel too soft at 32.
Can a pregnancy pillow be too firm?
Yes. It is too firm if it props a part of you higher than the line of your body, or if you feel its edge rather than its support.
Watch for a top knee raised above your hip, a neck bent upward, or a hard rim pressing into your belly. Firm foam wedges are great at keeping height, but you cannot squash them lower. If a firm piece is close but slightly too high, try placing it further from your body before deciding it is wrong.
Firmness is about comfort and position, not about fixing pain. If hip, back or pelvic pain keeps you up, talk to your midwife or doctor.
What changed when she matched firmness to the spot?
She stopped looking for one firmness and gave each spot its own.
Courtney kept a firm wedge under her bump, set a little further back so its edge sat under the curve rather than against it. She went back to a regular pillow between her knees, folded once for height. The trench was gone, and turning over at 4 a.m. was one move instead of a climb.
Frequently asked questions
Should a pregnancy pillow be firm or soft?
Medium-firm suits most people, but it depends on the spot. A pillow between the knees usually needs to be firmer than one under the bump, because it carries the weight of your leg.
Why does my pregnancy pillow feel softer than it used to?
Soft fillings compress with nightly use, and your bump gets heavier. Both make the pillow hold less height. Fluff or redistribute the fill if you can, or add support in the spot that sinks.
Is a firm pregnancy pillow better for back support?
A firmer pillow behind the lower back gives you something to lean into without rolling through it. It should not push you forward onto your bump.
How high should a pillow between my knees be?
High enough that your top knee sits level with your hip, not lower and not higher. Fold or stack a regular pillow until it does.
Does firmness help with hip pain in pregnancy?
A pillow is a comfort aid, not a treatment. Ongoing hip or pelvic pain is worth raising with your midwife or doctor.
Where the Relvay 3-Piece fits in
Relvay does not sell a long body pillow, so if you want one pillow to hug end to end, this is not it. Our 3-Piece gives the bump and the back their own wedge, tapered thin toward your belly and fuller at the outer edge, and leaves the knees to a regular pillow you can fold to the height you need. We do not publish a firmness rating. Use the ten-minute test above on it during your 90 nights.
Two wedges for bump and back, joined by a flat strap, about as wide as your torso. Keep a regular pillow between your knees. $79.99, 90-day returns.
Not the right pick if
- You want one long pillow for bump, knees and arms.
- You want a very soft, sink-in feel.
- Your main issue is pain that needs a doctor's advice first.
Worth a look if
- Your body pillow sinks in the middle by morning.
- You want bump and back support that keeps its own height.
- You want 90 nights to test the feel.
Want to know what is inside a pillow before you judge its feel? Read pregnancy pillow fillings compared.
Courtney's story is a composite based on real reviews and public posts from pregnant sleepers. Names and details are changed.
